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What does it really mean to be a good partner in your relationship? Would you consider yourself to possess the traits that make a good partner? What are these traits? Do you show up fully in your relationship every time?

For many people, their main focus is what they are getting out of a relationship. If it’s all about how your partner’s feelings, actions and thoughts affect you, then you fall into this category.

However, what if you turned your focus another side? What if you started putting your partner’s wants and needs before yours? Imagine the improvement you would get if you could start to focus on what you are giving and not what you are getting. How would this small shift in your mindset impact the relationship? Instead of asking if they are a good partner the real question should be: “Am I a good partner?”

KEYS TO BEING A GOOD PARTNER. 

The main ingredient to a deep and passionate relationship is first understanding your own participation in the relationship. How do your beliefs, behavior patterns, fears and limitations hinder your ability to fully connect? What do you do to remain connected to the person who you light up and vice versa?

If you wish to truly maximize both the quality of your relationship and the joy and fulfillment you and your partner experience, then it’s time for a shift. You need to shift from a self-centered mindset to one of being willing to serve your partner’s needs. Let’s consider it for a moment. There is nothing that brings out our insecurities and fears about ourselves than when in a romantic relationship. You have your own fears but so does your partner. However, if you are a good partner, rather than intensify your partner’s anxiety and fears, you step up and take the opportunity to create a deeper connection.

By putting your partner’s desires and needs first, you will boost the sense of security and trust among you. This will ultimately bring your partner and yourself closer together. However, before intentionally making this shift, it is important to identify what dimension your relationship is in at this moment. It will help you find out the dynamics you bring to your partner.

After asking yourself how good a partner you are, dive a bit deeper and find out if you are in a: One, Two or Three-dimensional relationship. Even more importantly, ask yourself what you are willing to do to be really present and show up fully for your partner in order to get the relationship you have always desired.

What dimension best describes your relationship now?

ONE-DIMENSIONAL RELATIONSHIP

Good partner- drifting apart

You will know that you are in a one dimensional relationship when it’s all about you. Not about your partner and you. Your main focus is on whether your needs are being met and what you are either getting or not getting. In this dimension, you only stay in the relationship as long as you are getting what you want.

A person on the receiving end of a one-dimensional relationship is often left feeling unsupported, isolated and alone. Such a person will feel that they do not have a good partner. They will feel like being in that relationship makes them compromise on their needs or sacrifice their goals and desires. Eventually, because their needs are not met, they will find other ways to fulfill them, thus creating further disconnection.

TWO-DIMENSIONAL RELATIONSHIP

good partner  -2 dimensional

The relationship in this case is all about equality. In most cases, your belief in the two-dimensional relationship is “You will take care of yourself and I will take care of myself. If you cannot meet your own needs, I can do nothing about it.” This clearly shows that you are still operating from a self-centered level.

One might think it sounds fair- Equality in its highest form. “You take care of your part and I will do mine. Then let’s make it happen together.” The intention may be noble and such a partnership may work wonders in business. However, it’s devastating when you are in an intimate relationship. If you are equal with your partner in your relationship, then there is no passion. Your relationship simply becomes a list of chores and duties. The sad reality is that the majority of all relationships fall into this group. This might explain why there are so many unfulfilled relationships.

THREE-DIMENSIONAL RELATIONSHIP

In this relationship, you rise above the expectation of your partner and take total responsibility for how the other person feels. You truly feel and believe that their needs are your needs; their happiness is your happiness. With that attitude, you do not give any excuse as to why your partners need is not being met. Instead, you operate on a completely selfless level, putting their desires and wants at the same level as your own and bearing the responsibility of achieving them.

Good partner-penguins


BEING A GOOD PARTNER

At which level are you in your relationship? In which dimension are you and your partner playing? What has been the result of being at this level? Do you both agree on what makes a good partner?

If you want to create real change in your relationship, then you need to stop focusing on what your partner is or isn’t doing and instead ask yourself “What am I contributing to this relationship?”

By shifting towards a selfless and self-sacrificing approach you will be able to put your partners needs first while taking care of your own as well. You will simply be assuring your partner know that you are there for them. They will know that they can trust you and will feel safe and secure even when they are vulnerable. In turn, this will strengthen the connection you have and your bond of intimacy will grow stronger. This is the key to being a good partner and the beginning of your relationship growing to an extraordinary one.